Sunday, January 30, 2011

Super Bowl 45 & Pop-Tarts.

Most of you know my passion for football. This time every year I get hounded with requests for another one of my famous Super Bowl predictions. This year is no different; my inbox is full of them. Will it be the Steelers or the Packers who take it home this time? Hard to say, friends. I mean, Sanchez & Flacco are awesome, but then there's Rodgers and...

I have to tell you something. I don't really know anything about football. I was just trying to reach a larger audience so I started googling, and that got out of hand, and I'm sorry.

I made homemade pop-tarts this weekend. My boyfriend poked his finger in the middle of one creating a large crater, thus ruining the pop-tart's image and my entire existence. But then he took me to see The King's Speech & bought me a Sonic drink and I was happy again. But then I came down with a fierce cold, and I'm back to being not happy again. But I don't blame him (obvi), I blame all the babies I licked on the head last week. Anyway, strawberry pop-tarts.
These look delicious, don't they. Thats not a question, by the way. They look delicious. You want to eat one. You want to make these in the morning for your loved ones because they're so yummy. These are really easy, people. I'm going to tell you how to make them. You'll need these things:

For the pie crust:
  • 2 cups all-purpose flour
  • 2 sticks of butter (unsalted) cut into small pieces
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 1 teaspoon sugar
  • 4-6 teaspoons ice water
For the icing:
  • 1 cup confectioner's sugar
  • 2 tablespoons milk
  • half teaspoon of vanilla, baby
  • some pretty sprinkles

Listen to me. You can fill these puppies with whatever blows your whistle. You can use nutella, cinnamon & brown sugar, strawberry jam, blueberry, blackberry, appleberry, anything. Whatever you decide on, you're going to need about 1 tablespoon of it per poptart. Or if you're like me, you'll just spread it on and measure it with your eyeball. Because it really doesn't matter. Its going to taste delicious. I used strawberry jam. MAJ DELISH.

So what you'll do is put your flour, sugar, & salt in a food processor and pulse it a little to get it all incorporated. Then slowly add in your butter pieces a little at a time until the mixture resembles bread crumbs. Then add in your ice water a tablespoon at a time until it looks like moist breadcrumbs.

Remove it from the food processor, & knead all of that together a little. Just so that it looks like pie crust.

Then split it in half, flatten each half into a disc shape, cling wrap it, and let it hang in the fridge for about an hour, but no more than 3 days.

When you're ready to make these, set your oven to 350 & roll out each disc to about 13x11 inches. 

Cut some squares out. It doesn't matter if they're perfect. I promise you can't screw it up at this point. Put some filling onto a square, and top it with another square. Kind of squish the ends together to seal, then use the tines of the fork to double seal the ends (and to give it that pop-tart look). Poke some holes in the top with a toothpick, or else you'll get a pop-tart that looks 9 months pregnant, and your boyfriend will poke it with his grubby pointer finger, crack up a little, then go watch the X Games. So you really don't want to skip this part. Toothpick your poppytart. 

Pop them in the oven and let them cook for about 15ish minutes. You'll know when they're done, they'll be slightly brown and tasty-looking. I'm starting to think I'm not awesome at food blogging. I don't give specific instructions. I'll get better, I promise. Ok, there's no way I can make that kind of promise. 

To make the icing whisk together the milk, vanilla, and powdered sugar. Ice the pop-tarts once they've cooled for a little bit. Then sprinkle on some tasty sprinkles. They're going to be delicious and beautiful. 
These were fun to make, I hope you make them soon. And if you don't want to make them but still want to eat them, let me know. I'll make you some. 

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Nutella Croissants!

Today I experienced my very first mistake. Ever. In life. I accidentally bought PUFF pastry instead of regular pie crust sheets. I know what you're thinking..."You shouldn't be buying any kind of pastry! You're supposed to be making things from scratch, you disgusting woman!" Ok, maybe not that last part. At least I hope not. I'm definitely not disgusting. Ok, I'm kind of disgusting, I haven't washed my hair since-- so I bought the wrong kind of pastry. My plan was to make homemade pop-tarts, but due to the puff pastry situation, I decided to go with Nutella croissants (and just make the pop-tarts this weekend...WITH homemade pie crust, people). These croissants were so simple to make and called for a measly 2 ingredients: puff pastry & Nutella. Get ready. Hold on to your panties. Hold on to them.

ATTN: Sorry for not having a picture for every step of the way, I haven't yet obtained a memory card for my camera, so I'm working with a 6 picture limit here.

First, let your puff pastry thaw and cut each sheet into 6 squares. I'd explain how to do that, but I'm so totally sure you can figure that out, that I won't.
Next, cut those 6 squares in half diagonally into triangles. You will now have 12 triangles total. If you haven't figured it out by now, my math score for the GRE was EXTREMELY high. Thats not true. Moving along.
Spread a tablespoon of Nutella on each pastry triangle, then roll them up from the wide part to the little tippy part. Understand? Then make them look like big tortellini (or baby crabs...howev you see it) by making each one "hold hands" know...mashing the ends together. Good grief, this is rough. Here's a picture of what it should look like on your cookie sheet.
Perfect. Once you've accomplished the tasks of spreading and rolling and pinching, pop these puppies into the oven at 350 for 10-12 minutes, or until golden brown & smelling good.
They're easy & tasty & not very healthy. You'll love them! And I didn't dirty my kitch making them, which is always a good thing. Happy day after my birthday to you all! I'm 22 now, so I ate 22 chocolate croissants. Thats not true. My hair is 22 days dirty though. Thats not true either. But close enough. One thing is absolutely true: I'm weird 22% (+78%) of the time. So have a happy rest of the week. :)

Monday, January 24, 2011

Warning: You Will Drool.

Top of the muffin to you! And indeed, today has been the tip top of the most decadent muffin ever baked. The first reason being that I'm forever done taking the dreaded GRE. Today I took it for the second and final time, and I couldn't be more relieved. The second reason I'm comparing this dreary, rainy Monday to a delicious breakfast food is because tomorrow is my birthday, which is a pretty freaking big deal around this house. We get the kids up around 4:30 and give them specific instructions on how I want my breakfast in bed this year. The reason we get them up so early is because it takes them hours to perfect it. Last year I sent them downstairs 8 times to try again. They never did quite nail the quiche, but I got so antsy around 3 pm that I told them, "Screw it" and ate it as was.

Nope, thats not true. I don't have children. I'm only 22, man. 

As an early birthday present, my best gal pal (Brandi R. Roberts, known to me as "B" or "Bran"), drove to my home and delivered this:

THIS, my friends, is a butterfinger banana cake with peanut butter cream cheese frosting. OH. MY. GOD. It is so delicious. You see, B is an outstanding baker of treats. She has collected fabulous & fancy kitchen gadgets over the past couple of years, and loves to bake delicious desserts for special occasions. You'd think this would be more than enough of a birthday surprise, but in fact, she also presented me with a brand new already seasoned cast iron skillet (been wanting one so bad!) and a double boiler. I'm so excited! I love getting kitchen supplies. 
The legit cake pictured above was captured with another one of my birthday surprises. My parents got me a digital camera (the Nikon that Ashton Kutcher endorses?) and said to me, "Quit taking crappy pictures with your iPhone and make something of that bogus blog of yours!" And so I will. PS, they didn't say that to me. In fact, they didn't say anything to me. I'm not even sure if that camera was intended for me, I just found a taped up Amazon box hidden in my mother's closet and assumed it was mine. Life goes on.

I made homemade spaghetti & meatballs this weekend, and had full intentions of posting the pictures + recipe, however it didn't occur to me that I was the one responsible for taking the pictures until I was biting into my second meatball. Too late. Sorry to flake out, I'm new at blogging. Check back with me this week for a homemade pop-tart recipe. I won't let you down.

Monday, January 17, 2011


You know what I liked about the Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr.? His style. He always looked sharp. Totally had that non-violent demeanor. Smile lines. You know what I'm talking about?
There aren't many people today like MLK. Probably because he got popped for using his voice. What a guy, though. Look at him. JUST LOOK AT HIM.

In honor of this fabulous man, I set out to achieve a few goals of my own today - the nonviolent way. The goals I accomplished pale in comparison to achieving racial equality for millions of Americans, but that won't stop me from gabbing about them. Nothing ever does. Here we go:
  • Ate a bowl of frosted rice krispies.
  • Used a magic eraser to clean my kitch countertops.
  • Picked my toes.
  • Read a celeb diet magazine (fave).
  • Painted a little Bite No More on my nails.
  • Picked said Bite No More off my nails.
  • Reapplied Bite No More a second time.
  • Reorganized my K-cups in my coffee drawer.
  • Counted my cellulite.
Ok, none of these activities were goals I set out to accomplish PER SE (except eating cereal). But its all I got. My real goal is to have my first recipe posted by the end of the week. Keep in touch.

Friday, January 14, 2011


This guy. WHAT a guy. I'll tell you what I like about this one right here. He is like a master nap taker, especially in cars. He can fall asleep instantly, and its beautiful, you know what I mean? No drooling, no obvious discomfort, just clean peaceful snoozing. Amazing. Impressive. Other adjectives.

But then there's this:

I have a tiny & completely rational fear of insects. I know what they're capable of, and this time of year they are in our homes searching for warmth, but only the warmth that human blood can provide. So shake your sheets. Check your boots. Check your ballet flats. Check all your shoes, man. Or else.

"Or else what?"

Or else death. Try to have a good weekend. 

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Did it hurt? When you fell from the ugly tree?

My blog is sort of under construction. I've hired my roommate who has a Ph.D. in web design, jewelry making, AND wardrobe styling (not true, but kind of) to make it look legit. I feel that if it looks fancy and sophisticated and professional, I won't neglect it the way I have past blogs. Maybe next time you visit, assuming you will (please like me), it will look really fresh, really hip. I've got big plans for this blog. My ultimate goal is for it to be THE place to visit for every single one of your needs. All of you. All 2 of you. Need ramblings? I've got plenty. Need to see pictures? I'll google some. Need to find out about viral YouTube videos months after everyone else already knows about them? I'm your gal. Need tour dates? I'm not on tour. Need frozen waffles? I'll tell you why you don't. Need a homemade pie? Put your order in, I'll make you one. I'm serious, I'm desperate to bake things for people. I'm dealing with the post-holiday blues, and thats how I cope. Baking things. Not eating them, just baking them and giving them away. Okay, and eating them, damn.
My favorite holiday is Thanksgiving. I love it most for several reasons. The most obvious being that there aren't mythical characters associated with it (except Indians). I like cooking, I don't mind absurd amounts of food, I'm into Charlie Brown, & I enjoy giving thanks. If any of you feel the same as me about the holidays and are mourning the times, give a shout. I'll make you something tasty.
Happy Wednesday, everyone! If you just HAVE to drink and drive tonight, please remember to drive as fast as you can so you can get off the roads asap! HERE TO HELP.

Monday, January 10, 2011

My first.

This is an embarrassing first post. I cannot blog today. If I do, it will be over saturated with sentimentality. I will gab for paragraphs about how happy I am, how clean my kitchen is today, and inevitably at some point mention Amy Grant. Its not a good night for me. Tomorrow is better. Please come back!