Drink diet sodas any time someone is talking to you. Make sure its fountain with a straw option so you never have to move your hand from the front of the cup.
Have dramatic and loud phone conversations in public. Pace the room and turn around a lot of times so you can give anyone/everyone in vicinity a chance to catch a glimpse.
Do a sideways/sincere-looking weenie laugh any time someone tells a joke. Make eye contact and keep your hand in front of your mouth, I REPEAT: KEEP HAND IN FRONT OF MOUTH.
"Fix your contact." Classic.
Complain about the headache you don't have. Keep eyes closed for intensity.
Did you guys have a totally balling mother's day? I def did. My mom marinated cheese. Ok, bye!